


It meant nothing I swear

by Darkfairyforever22



Series: Again [2]
Category: Swimming RPF
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-14 20:38:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3424799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkfairyforever22/pseuds/Darkfairyforever22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I don't really remember much to be honest.  I got filled in on some things.  I don't think you will like it."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't remember

**Author's Note:**

> This is purely a work of fiction. This is a sort of continuation of my story again. You don't have to read that one first.

Michael Lochte checked his outfit one last time before snapping a picture and sending it to his husband. A few minutes later his husbands face lite up his phone screen.

“How do I look? Do I look like a huge dork?”

“Hello to you too Michael. No you don’t look like a dork, you look handsome. Why are you so worried about how you look?’

“The swim team is having a get together tonight and I was invited. I want to make some friends.” Michael said softly. 

“Mike, just be yourself it will be fine. No need to be nervous babe.” Ryan’s soft laugh settled Michael.

“God, I wish you were coming with me.”

“No you don’t I would embarrass you. Besides, doing things apart is a good thing.”

“I hate the fact that you’re in Florida and I’m here.” Michael whined plopping down on his dorm bed.

“Don’t start this again.” Ryan warned.

“Doggy, I can’t help it, college sucks without you.”

“You have been there a week. Give it time, you will make friends I promise. Hell you might even be more popular than me.” Ryan laughed at that thought.

“Oh yea I totally would be more popular only in my dreams.” Michael laughed along with Ryan.

”So, what time does your thing start?” Do you even know where it is?” 

“It starts at seven and I think so. The girl three rooms down is going so she said she would show me.”

“Sounds like you already made a friend.” Ryan commented smiling.

“I hardly doubt Lexi is a friend. She is just being nice.”

“Or she wants to jump your bones.” Ryan joked. 

“Not funny at all Ryan, I would never cheat on you.” Michael sternly replied.

“Oh Mikey, I know you would never cheat on me. I’m joking with you. Well it’s almost time for you to go so, go have fun. I love you I will talk to you later tonight.”

“Ok, love you too. I will call you later if it’s not too late. I might text you if it’s totally boring.”

“No, you won’t. Don’t even take your phone! Just enjoy yourself ok?”

“Alright, I won’t take my phone. Gotta go Lexi’s at my door.”

“Good go have fun bye babe.” Michael hung up and went to answer his door. Lexi Marshalls stood on the other side of the door. 

“Hey you look hot! I brought us a pre-party bottles!” Lexi held up two mini liquor bottles.

“I don’t drink.” Michael admitted nervously.

“What? That’s a total party foul! You have to drink! Here I’m not taking no for an answer drink up. Just chug this.” Lexi passed Michael one of the small bottles. Michael looked at the bottle then back at Lexi, who was staring waiting for him to open it. Michael sighed and opened the bottle, he clicked bottles with Lexi before chugging the small bottle of alcohol. Michael sputtered from the burn of the drink.

“Oh lord you really don’t drink. Look if you’re going to go to this thing you have to drink. Just plug you’re your nose and chug.” Lexi told Michael grabbing Ryan’s Tampa Bay Rays hat and putting it on her head. “You’re a rays fan? Aren’t you from Maryland?”

“Yea, that’s my husband’s hat, he was partially raised in Florida. Could you put it back? I don’t even wear it.” Michael asked softly not wanting to offend the one friend he seemed to have made. Lexi looked at him sideways as she replaced the hat to the desk. 

“Yea sorry so was your husband the hot hunk moving you in last weekend?”

“Um.. my husband and two brother-in-laws helped so I’m not sure.”

“Was he the one with curly hair? Everyone takes notice when someone gets a room to themselves and also when they move in after Christmas break.” Lexi supplied as Michael was looking at her strangely. 

“Yea, the long curly haired one was my husband.” Michael replied softly glancing at the picture on his night stand. It was a goofy picture of Ryan from Athens but it was one of his favorites. 

“You miss him a lot?” Lexi asked as she looked at the picture.

“Yea, I do I feel like a baby saying I miss him but I totally do. We instantly became best friends and then started dating, I knew he was the one after our first kiss. Sounds naïve and stupid I’m sure.”

“No, not at all. I feel that way about someone.”

“Oh ok so I’m not crazy.” Michael commented smiling.

“No not at all, you ready for the party?”

“Yea, let’s head out.” Michael grabbed his jacket and keys following Lexi out the door. When they got to the party it was in full swing. Michael hung close to Lexi but did manage to meet some cool people, sometime in the night he lost Lexi and managed to get drunk. He wouldn’t remember doing the drugs come morning. All he would remember was how shitty he felt and throwing up in the parking lot. The next morning he woke up with a killer headache. He checked his phone to find it filled with messages about the party and how there was going to be another party that night that he was invited too. He saw a bottle of water and two pills next to his phone charger with a note that read, ‘Damn Michael, you are a total party animal. You probably have a headache so here is some pain killers. We have plans at three, I will come get you at two. Kisses, Lexi’. Michael took the pills and chugged the water while he continued to look through his phone. From his messages he found out that he had gotten super drunk, smoked weed, and even tried some molly. He looked through his messages to Ryan and groaned. His messages made no sense what so ever. Michael got comfortable on his bed before calling Ryan. 

“Afternoon sleeping beauty, how’s your head feel?” Ryan’s voice rang through the phone making Michael cringe. 

“Ugh, too loud. My head is killing me.”

“So did you have fun? Your texts made no sense last night by the way.”

“I dunno, I don’t really remember much to be honest.” Michael admitted softly.

“So, what do you remember?” 

“I got super drunk and threw up in the parking lot. That’s all I can remember but some people filled me in on the rest of my night and I don’t think you are going to like it.”

“What happened Mike?” Ryan’s voice was soft and scared. It broke Michael’s heart.

“I smoked weed and um I also apparently tried molly, the drug.” 

“Jesus fucking Christ Michael! That stuff is super addictive and not to mention really fucking dangerous. Promise me you won’t do it again ok?” Ryan’s voice was laced with worry.

“Yea, I promise. I don’t want too anyway.”

“Good, you shouldn’t be smoking or drinking with your meds either. I get that you want to be a normal college kid but you need to be careful.”

“I’m being careful I promise. So, what are your plans for today?” Michael asked changing the subject.

“I have a ton of studying to do finals are soon. So, I won’t be able to make our skype date tonight I’m sorry.”

“Oh, well that’s ok the swim team actually invited me to dinner tonight. So, I will be out late again tonight probably.”

“Oh well that’s good. I told you that making friends wasn’t hard.” Ryan commented brightly.

“Yea, they are actually really cool people. I apparently have plans with Lexi today. I have no idea what we are doing though.”

“Oh well whatever it is have fun ok? I have to go Aunt Kelly is calling me. I love you Mike.”

“Love you too Reezy, have fun studying I will talk to you later.” Michael hung up the phone and went about getting ready for his day with new friends.

****Florida****

 

Ryan stared at his phone his mind spinning with thoughts. 

“Hey Bro, why do you look so upset?” Devon asked laying down on Ryan’s bed.

“Michael did drugs last night.” Ryan blurted out moving to lay down next Devon. 

“Whoa, seriously dude? What the hell did he do?” 

“Molly, like I thought he was smarter than that. Especially on his first weekend there.”

“You would think he wouldn’t touch drugs with how much he hates you smoking.”

Ryan sighed and ran a hand over his face. Devon placed a hand on Ryan’s shoulder. 

“You miss mom a lot don’t you?” Devon asked softly. The boys hadn’t talked about their parents since the funeral months ago. 

“God, yea I miss Mama. She would know exactly what to tell me. She was such a great soundboard for me to sort my thoughts out.”

“Aunt Kelly is a good sounding board too. I know she’s not mom nor will she ever be but she’s pretty cool. You should try talking her.” Devon patted Ryan’s shoulder before leaving the room. Ryan thought over the idea in his head before going to search for his Aunt Kelly. He found her in the kitchen making a stew for dinner. Ryan sat down at one of the stools and watched his aunt for a few moments. 

“Can I help you with something Ryan?”

Ryan shook his head to clear his thoughts before turning his attention to his aunt. 

“Can I ask your advice on something?” Ryan asked softly. Kelly handed Ryan a knife, cutting board and carrots. 

“Of course you can, would you mind helping me with dinner while we chat?”

Ryan took the things from his aunt and started chooping. The kitchen was filled with the sounds of chopping until Kelly spoke up.

“So, what’s going on?”

“Well, it’s about Michael.”

“Ok, what about him? Are you missing him a lot?”

“Yea, I am missing him but he did something pretty bad last night and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“What did he do Ryan?”

“He apparently got really drunk and tried molly, the drug.”

“How do you feel about that?” Kelly asked looking at Ryan.

“I don’t know. I’m angry with him but at the same time I feel like I shouldn’t be angry with him. It feels wrong to be angry with him. I mean I used to smoke weed and drink so I feel like I can’t be angry about that.” Ryan admitted adding the carrots to the crockpot.

“You are allowed to feel angry about it if you are but, let me ask you a question. Are you angrier about him doing molly then everything else?”

“Yes exactly! I don’t know what you know about molly but, it’s super addictive and it’s always different. It’s super easy to mess with and we both knew a girl who died from it.” Ryan threw his hands up in frustration. 

“Have you brought that up to Michael?” Kelly asked cleaning off the counter. 

“Well no, I’m not his parent. I don’t want him to feel like I’m ordering him around.” Ryan admitted standing up.

“No you aren’t his parent you’re his husband, relationships only work if both parties are fully honest with each other.” Kelly responded kissing Ryan on the head and walking out of the kitchen. 

Ryan ran upstairs to his room. He tossed on a shirt, grabbed his shoes, skateboard, and phone before leaving the house. He decided skating was a good way to figure out his thoughts. He lost track of time and was brought back to reality when his cell phone buzzed. He saw it was a message from Michael. It make any sense much like last nights messages. Ryan shoved the phone back in his pocket angrily. Ryan skated back to the house and ran past everyone to his room slamming the door shut. A while later Ryan heard a knock on his door.

“Go away!”

“Not an option brother. Now what the hell is wrong with you?” Devon asked as he closed Ryan’s door and sat on Ryan’s desk. 

“This is just like last night’s messages!” Ryan shoved his phone in Devon’s face.

“So you think he’s partying again? He’s at college Ryan lord knows you will be partying once you go off to college. Why is it so bad that Michael does it?”

“I want him to be safe about it. Taking molly like he did last night isn’t being safe.” Ryan whined to Devon. 

“Oh lord if you’re that worried just call him!”

“I have been he isn’t answering his phone!” Ryan responded frustrated.

“Well just keep trying him I guess. He’s bound to pick up at some point. Don’t forget to study for finals those start soon.” Devon patted Ryan’s shoulder as he walked out of the room. Ryan placed his phone face down and pulled his books out to study. Three hours later Ryan’s phone made the noise of a new email. Ryan pulled out his laptop and opened his email seeing a new email from Michael. He saw that it was a few pictures and a video. Ryan opened the video first and almost screamed as he watched the video in horror. He dialed Michael’s number but it went straight to voicemail. 

“Is this your way of telling me you want a divorce? Fuck you Michael. Don’t ever call me again. I want all my stuff back and I will file divorce papers.”

Ryan threw his phone on his desk and walked down the hall to Devon’s room. 

“Dev, wake up please I need to talk.”

Devon sat up rubbing his eyes. He squinted at the sudden light coming from the lamp on his desk. 

“Huh, what’s going on? Ryan is that you?”

“Move over.” Ryan crawled into Devon’s bed and started crying heavily. Devon patted Ryan’s back awkwardly.

“Dude what’s wrong? I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“He cheated.” Ryan gasped out in between heavy sobs.

“Who cheated?”

“My husband.”

“Mike cheated? What are you talking about? He would never cheat on you. He adores you.”

“Well he did. I just got a video of him having sex with a mother fucking female.”

“Whoa seriously? Why a female? I thought Mike was gay.”

“I don’t know why a female. Maybe I’m not enough for him. I also thought my husband was gay but I guess not.”

“Ryan, I’m sure that’s not true. You are more than enough for Michael. You said Mike was probably partying. Maybe he was really trashed and has no idea what he was doing. Dad did coke and you remember how he didn’t remember any of what he did. Maybe Michael didn’t mean it.”

“Devon you don’t just cheat on your spouse.”

“Look, just take a break until finals are over. Then talk about it, promise me you won’t do anything rash.”

Ryan thought this over and decided he could do that. 

“Thanks Dev, can I stay here tonight?”

“Yea sure just turn off the light and go to sleep please?” 

Ryan clicked off the light. “Yea not a problem I’m utterly exhausted.”

Devon hugged Ryan before turning to his other side and fell fast asleep. Ryan wiped his tear stained cheeks before remembering he had left that ugly voicemail. He shifted to get his phone and composed a quick message to Michael. He then turned his phone off and went to sleep.


	2. Chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after

****Michigan****  
Michael woke up his head killing him. He felt a warm body next to him. He peered past blurry vision and saw long hair on the pillow next to him, much longer than Ryan’s hair. Michael sat up quickly and took in his surroundings. He most definitely wasn't in his room. He lifted the bed spread and found he was naked. He looked back to the person in bed next to him and saw it was Lexi. He let out a gasp and quickly dressed fleeing from the room. When he was back in his own room he texted some of the people from last night to try and found out what happened. Not a single person could tell him what had happened. He decided to search through his phone he found an angry voice mail from Ryan, followed by a text telling him to ignore the voice mail because Ryan was just stressed from studying for finals and that he was taking a break from all his electronics until after finals. Michael thought nothing of it and continued looking through his phone. He saw photos and video of him having sex with Lexi. Michael quickly grabbed the trash can and threw up. Michael cleaned himself up and then logged into his laptop. He went to his email and decided on a whim to check his outbox. He saw that he sent the video and photos to Ryan. Michael grabbed his phone quickly and called Ryan. It rang twice and then went to voice mail. Ryan was screening his calls.

“Fuck no Ryan please pick up! God please pick up I will keep calling until you pick up. Please answer my calls. I love you.” Michael said softly leaving his voice mail. He holed up in his room and ignored everyone else for the rest of the day. He kept trying to reach Ryan and kept leaving voice mails until he finally filled up Ryan’s mailbox completely. Michael ignored all the texts and knocks coming at his door, he even skipped meals. He couldn't believe that his marriage could be crumpling before him and he couldn't do anything to stop it. Later that night Michael’s phone rang out Ryan’s ringtone. Michael dove to answer his phone and ended up knocking his whole dresser over. His heart pounded in his ears as he answered his phone. 

“Thank god you called me, I have to explain it to you.”

“Michael, its Devon. Ryan told me what happened. He asked me to delete the video and photos. I saw them myself and I’m ready to fucking kill you myself but that would upset my brother. What the hell were you thinking?”

“That’s just it Dev, I wasn't thinking at all. I don’t know what happened. I would never cheat on Ryan, never in a million years. I love him so much!”

“Minus the fact that you did cheat on him Mike. Ryan is really depressed, once you filled up his phone with voice mails he gave his phone to me. He needs to focus on studying for finals. After finals he is going to fly to Michigan for the weekend so, you two can talk. His flight gets in at three on Friday afternoon and he leaves at ten Monday night. Make sure you are there to greet him and see him off.”

“I will but, can’t I talk to him Devon?”

“No, I don’t think that’s a smart idea. He will call you before he flies out on Friday. Take this time to think how you will fix things. He needs you Michael. You remember when you two got married before Mom died? Remember how you told him you were part of his life forever? How you would always love him? Do you recall any of that?”

“Yes, Devon I do. God, please let me talk to him. Let me apologize to him.” Michael sobbed.

“A phone apology means nothing. Do it in person Michael. Make it mean something. Get some sleep. Goodnight Michael.” Then the phone went dead. 

Michael stared at his phone sobbing. He walked over to his calendar and put the dates and times Devon had told him on it. He would fix this. He had too, this was his husband the love of his life he was talking about. Only five more days that’s all he had to get through and then he would be able to try and fix it.


	3. Chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan goes to visit Michael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally had this working out differently but it changed as I thought about where I wanted it to go. Hope you enjoy!

“Go with me please?” Ryan begged Devon. 

“Oh no, I’m not going to Michigan with you. This is something you have to work out on your own.” Devon replied from his bathroom. Ryan shuffled his feet against the carpet.

“Please Dev come with me. I need you there.” Ryan whined to his brother. 

“No, Ryan you need to do this by yourself. I will be at the airport for you when you come home but you need to do this on your own.”

“Some brother you are won’t even come help me.” Ryan mumbled.

“Not going to answer that. This is your marriage not mine.”

“It’s just you know what to say to keep me held together in one piece.” Ryan laid down on Devon’s bed. 

“So does your husband. Are you even packed?”

“Yea, but I was wondering if I could borrow your gators long sleeve shirt and hoodie I can’t seem to find mine.”

Devon threw a hoodie and shirt at Ryan. Ryan put both on and hugged Devon. 

“Thank you for helping me, you are a kick ass brother dude.”

“You’re welcome hey I have two dvds you need to watch while on the plane.” Devon dug up two discs and handed them to Ryan. Ryan took the discs with no writing and looked at his brother.

“This better not be porn Devon.”

“Jesus it’s not porn but you also need to watch them with Michael ok? Promise me you will watch them with him too.” Devon looked at Ryan seriously.

“Ok, I promise I will watch them with Michael. What are they anyway?”

“They are something special for you guys. I found them recently and figured you could use them. Let’s go or you will miss your flight.”

Ryan put the discs in his portable DVD player before shoving it in his backpack and following his brother to his car. The ride to the airport was filled with music and laughter. When they pulled up to the airport Devon handed Ryan his cell phone back. 

“Here’s your phone. You need to call Michael.”

Ryan took his phone and hugged Devon. “I will call you when I land ok?” 

“Ok be safe and watch those DVDs ok?”

“I will see you Monday night.” Ryan grabbed his bag and walked into the airport. Once he was at his terminal he fiddled with his phone trying to get up the nerve to call Michael. Ryan finally just pressed the call button and held the phone up to his ear. It rang once before Michael picked up.

“Hey are you at the airport?”

“Yea the one in Florida. Michael can I ask you something serious?”

“You can ask me anything you want. Always ask me whatever is on your mind.”

“What if we can’t get back from this? What if this is the end of us?” Ryan choked back a sob.

“No! We will get back from this. I promise you I will do whatever it takes to make you happy and to fix this.” Michael sobbed being completely open.

“I want to believe you, I just don’t know if I can.”

“I understand that. Please don’t shut me out ok? Let me keep working on this until I get it right.” Michael sobbed out.

“I want us to work. I love you even though you messed up I still love you. Can I ask that our first night we just hash it out?”

“Of course we can. I will order food to the dorm and we will talk all night if that’s what you need. I always love you Ryan.”

Ryan smiled softly. “I know you do Michael, well I have to go my plane is boarding. I’ll see you in a few hours. I love you.” Ryan hung up his phone and went to board the plane. Once he was able to take his electronics out he started his DVD player and popped in the disc that had a number one on it. Devon’s face filled the screen.

“Hey guys, ok so I stayed up all night to put this together for you so take this shit seriously. You guys are liked the best example of a relationship I have to look too. Please fix this, like relationships are hard but let me remind you two why you love each other in case you forgot.” Devon’s face faded out only to be replaced with Michael and Ryan dressed up at what looked to be their wedding day. 

“Ryan, I have loved you since I first laid eyes on you.” The video zoomed in on Michael as he continued to recite his vows. There were tears in his eyes. “You are my partner in crime, best friend, and lover. Now I get to call you my husband. Ryan Steven Lochte I promised your mother I would love you forever and I meant it. I promise to you that I will always support whatever crazy ideas you come up with. I vow to always let you pick the movies, TV, and music. I vow to always be there to listen to whatever problems you have. Most importantly I vow that there will never be a day where I don’t say how lucky I am to have you and how much I love you.” 

On the video Michael wiped away a tear. On the plane Ryan hit pause as he started sobbing.

“Here take a tissue dear.” The woman sitting next to Ryan handed him a pack of tissues. 

“Thank you I must look like a complete nutcase.” Ryan commented as he wiped his eyes only to find more tears coming down his cheeks.

“Not a nutcase, just looks like a broken heart.” The woman replied softly. 

“Oh boy how right you are.” Ryan pinched the bridge of his nose trying to get the tears to stop falling.

“I don’t know your story but, if I can offer some advice?”

“Sure why not I’m totally lost anyways.”

“You have every right to be angry. The anger will fade away if you truly love them. People mess up, especially if your partner is as young as you are. Marriage is hard, I was married for twenty two years before my husband died. He cheated on me the first year of our marriage. I was so hurt, we went to therapy and I wanted details. I wanted to know everything. Let me tell you something though details only hurt the relationship. You have every right to know the name but anything past that just hurts the marriage.”

Ryan smiled softly at the woman. “You kinda hit the nail on the head. I feel like I want to know everything.”

“I know but trust me when I say if you want to keep the marriage that the details aren't worth it.”

“Thanks, I feel like I needed to hear that. Any other advice?”

“Just take a weekend alone if you have your wedding video watch it together. Remember why you fell in love in the first place. Never stop dating each other.”

“Thanks, I really appreciate it. I lost my mother five months ago and I feel lost ever since. You remind me of her.” Ryan admitted softly. The woman placed a hand on Ryan’s arm.

“Sometimes our angels draw people together so we know we aren't alone. You remind me of my son before he went off to war.”

“I never thought of that. I guess my mom is my angel now. I’m Ryan by the way.” Ryan extended his hand to the woman.

“I’m Liz so what brings you to Michigan?”

“My husband actually how ironic huh? What about you?” Ryan laughed nervously.

“My grandchild was just born so I’m going to visit my daughter.”

“Oh so, a boy or girl? I love babies.”

Liz smiled as she showed Ryan a picture of the child. “A granddaughter her name is Kelsey.”

“She’s beautiful.” Ryan smiled.

The rest of the plane ride Ryan talked to Liz and showed off pictures of happier times in his marriage with Michael. He stopped on a picture that he had never seen before. In the picture Ryan was fast asleep on Michael’s chest and Michael was smiling. He stared at it in confusion.

“First time seeing this photo?” Liz asked as she smiled.

“Yea, I never knew Michael took this one of us. He hates having his picture taken so it’s normally done on the off chance that someone catches him.” Ryan hit the next button and then saw it wasn't a picture but a video. He saw that behind the play button it was Michael’s face. He excused himself from his conversation and dug out his head phones. Plugging them in his laptop he pressed play on the video. 

“Hey babe, so it’s like three am and in a few hours we will be saying our goodbyes at the airport. I don’t want to leave but school is important I guess. I love you so much, thank you for moving me into my dorm. I know it was freezing and you hate the cold. Just think about how warm it will be in Florida. I love my Christmas present by the way. A new laptop was just perfect. I know you weren't excited about your gift and I feel like I really messed that one up. Your real present will take a few months. Heck it might even take until spring break rolls around and I’m sorry I didn't tell you that before. I just want it to be a surprise. I know you have been having a really hard time since your mom died. I’m so sorry that I don’t know how to help you. I hate it when you cry. You don’t know that you talk in your sleep. You call out for her and it breaks my heart. Do you notice I tend to hold you tighter at night? Well if not I do. You mean the world to me and I wish I could find a way for you to visit your mom in heaven. She is definitely an angel now. I always felt like I could tell your mom things I could never tell my mom. I never told you or her that and now I regret it. You will do such great things in Florida. I know you’re smart as hell no matter what other people tell you. I want you to know that you are super smart. You will do just fine and I will be there at your graduation no matter what ok? I promise to always be there for you. I love you. I probably should get some sleep. I love you Ryan, just watch this whenever you are missing me.”

The video faded out and Ryan smiled tears spilling out of his eyes again. He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of the hoodie. He removed the headphones and turned to Liz.

“I don’t want to know the name. I don’t want to know anything, yes I’m still mad but it doesn't matter. I still love him and I made a vow to love him through the good, the bad, and the ugly. This is our ugly.”

Liz smiled at him. “I would say so. I think you two will be fine. Maybe finding what you found on your laptop was needed.”

“It was needed. I think you are like some real life angel. I have passed this photo and this video so many times and never noticed it and then you appear and I find them? Are you like some magician or something?” 

Liz smiled and shrugged. “You never know, we are getting ready to land.” 

Ryan shut off all his electronics and put them in his backpack. The moment they landed he hugged Liz and thanked her for everything. He got off the plane and walked to baggage claim where he knew Michael would be. The moment he saw Michael he took off running to him. He collided with Michael and flung his arms around Michael. 

“Oh, hey gosh that hurt but hello to you Ryan.” Michael planted his feet to steady the two of them. He hugged Ryan hard not knowing what was going on but loving that Ryan was actually hugging him.

“I know I told you I wanted to know but I don’t. I don’t want to know any of it ok? Let’s just enjoy our weekend, can we do that?” Ryan asked pulling back and looking up at Michael. 

“Of course we can. What happened though? I know it will suck to tell you but if you need to hear it I will tell you. Please don’t try and spare my feelings. I hurt you and I have to make it right.” Michael responded taking Ryan’s book bag from him. Ryan slipped his hand into Michael’s. 

“I will tell you in the car ok?”

Michael squeezed Ryan’s hand and nodded. “Is this all your stuff?”

“Yea, I just packed a book bag, not much I needed right?”

“That’s true, I wish you could stay longer than just a weekend.” Michael commented opening the passenger door for Ryan.

“Yea me too but I can’t stupid high school. If it was college I totally could swing it.”

Michael laughed and started the car. “Yea, I don’t know about that. It depends on your classes. So what happened?”

Ryan crossed his legs in his seat and sat up straighter looking at Michael. “Ok, so like I got on the plane and I was super depressed and Devon made us videos to watch so I started to watch them. The first one is of our wedding. I watched your vows and I was bawling like really ugly ass crying. There was a woman next to me. She was like my mom’s age looked like her too, well she handed me tissues and we started to talk. She told me how she had been married twenty two years and how her husband cheated the first year. She told me her story and how she dealt with it. I was so amazed that someone who had been through this was sitting right next to me. So, I asked her advice and she told me that details would just ruin a marriage she, did say to get the name though and that maybe therapy would be a good idea. Well after that we talked about why we were going to Michigan and I started showing her pictures of us. That’s when I found the picture you took of us before you left for school. Do you remember that picture?”

Michael smiled. “I do, I also remember the video I made and I meant every word of it.”

“Yea so I also found that and I decided then that I didn't want to know. I don’t want to know details. I don’t want a name, I don’t want to talk about it. I want this to be a once in a lifetime thing and I never want to bring it up again.” Ryan told Michael squeezing his hand. 

“That was a once in a universe thing. I’m sorry I hurt you. I know the trust isn't there and I’m sorry for that.” Michael wiped away a tear and pulled off the side of the road. He turned to Ryan and stared at Ryan. “I am so sorry I fucked up. I have spent the last five days in my room. I have only left to go to class and to shower. I have been ordering food to my room. I don’t want to pass her, or anyone for that matter.”

“Mike, you can’t stop living just because you messed up. You still have me, we are still a family. I would never want to throw that away. Hell even after I first found out I didn't want to leave you. I love you no matter what ok? It’s just this can never happen again ok?”

Michael nodded. “ I understand. We have a great therapist on campus if you want we can try to make an appointment for while you are here?” 

“That is needed.” Ryan responded kissing Michael’s cheek. “Let’s go back to your room, I’m starving.”

Michael laughed and pulled back to road and continued to campus. Once they reached his building he grabbed Ryan’s bag and started up the stairs. He saw Lexi in the hallway and stopped in his tracks. Ryan didn't notice it or notice who Lexi was because he pushed Michael up the stairs. 

“Hey, Michael you missed a get together last night, the swim team was asking where you were.” Lexi said as she stopped in the middle of the narrow hallway.

“Yea, I had a lot on my mind.” Michael rubbed the back of his neck. 

Lexi nodded and finally seemed to notice Ryan. She stuck her hand out and with her hand she twirled her blonde hair. 

“Hi, I’m Alexis but everyone calls me Lexi.” 

Ryan smiled and shook Lexi’s hand. “Hi, I’m Ryan. Michael’s husband so, how do you two know each other?”

“Oh we are on the swim team together. He swims like he was born in the water.” Lexi popped the gum in her mouth. Michael blinked thinking he was stuck in a personal hell right now.

“Yea I think he’s part dolphin.” Ryan laughed and placed a hand on the small of Michael’s back. 

“Um, we have to go. We have dinner waiting in my room. Bye Lexi.” Michael pulled Ryan’s hand and walked down the hall past Lexi.

“She seemed nice.” Ryan commented the moment they were inside Michael’s room. 

“She’s not, she’s a bitch.” Michael commented as he shut his door and took his shoes off. 

“Why do you say that?” Ryan asked laying down on Michael’s bed.

“She’s a slut.” Was all Michael replied as he got the pizza reheated. 

It then dawned on Ryan why his husband would say those things. “That was her wasn't it?” Michael kept silent but Ryan saw the quick nod of his head. Ryan sprung up and shoved Michael. 

“The fuck dude? Not only is she not pretty she has a fucking stripper name. Her boobs aren't even big! I could fucking hit you right now.” Ryan bawled his fists up and started pacing. 

“I deserve it. Hit me, I deserve to feel your anger. I was super fucked up and I don’t even remember doing it but, I deserve to be hit. Hell I deserve not to even have you here.” Michael mumbled. Ryan cupped Michael’s chin.

“Look at me.”

Michael looked up at Ryan, tears spilling out of his eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

“No don’t fucking talk Michael. Let me talk ok? I didn't want to know about her but now I do. I still don’t want details. I never watched the whole video. Never looked at any of the pictures. Devon deleted them and he saw them. He told me I didn't want to see them and he’s right. I was perfectly fine with not knowing. I now know what she looks like and it hurts a lot. I now know what she sounds like, it’s a stab to my fucking heart. It makes me wonder what I wasn't giving you that you wouldn't pick up the phone and call me. I would have had phone sex, I would have skyped you naked. Like I would have done all that stuff if you told me you needed it. But you didn't tell me anything. I feel like ever since you came here two months ago our relationship has suffered. Why couldn't you talk to me?”

Michael fell to the floor and started sobbing. He drew his knees to his chest and looked up at Ryan. “I don’t fucking know. I didn't know I needed that stuff. I didn't talk to you because you were still dealing with your mom’s death. I didn't want to bother you with my problems. It didn't seem fair to put more on you. I wasn't planning any of it. It’s not like I thought hey let’s see what I can do to hurt my husband.”

Ryan sat down in front of Michael. “I know you didn't do it on purpose. I know you were really fucked. Devon told me what you looked like, he said it was bad. I just don’t want to see you end up hurt or even worse dead because you did a drug that killed someone we know. You remember when I stopped smoking and partying for good?”

“Yea, it was after Jenna McCoy’s funeral.” Michael mumbled.

“Exactly. I know I went over board after my mom died but, that wasn't healthy. I remember at Jenna’s funeral how Travis spoke about how he had tried to save her. How he spent hours doing CPR when she was medevac’d to the hospital. I decided then that I didn't want you or anyone else to find me dead. I didn't want to die I was hurting. I started going to therapy behind everyone’s back, even yours. It really helped me. I had terrible withdrawals and it was messy.”

“I didn't know that.” Michael looked up at Ryan.

“I know you didn't but I got myself clean on my own. You can’t be doing this stuff and you promised me you wouldn't do it again but, you did. Why did you do it again?”

“I wanted to fit in, I feel like such an outsider here. All the swim team does it, they don’t get drug tested here. I wanted to make friends.”

Ryan placed his arms around Michael’s shoulders. He rested his head on Michael’s shoulder. “Am I not a good friend?”

“You are my best friend always.” Michael replied resting his head on top of Ryan’s.

“Then, you don’t need friends that will drag you down. Any friends you make partying aren't real friends, they are just out to get their next fix. Would you consider doing something for me?”

“Anything, Ryan I will do anything for you.”

“After this semester is over transfer to the University of Florida? You can’t stay here it’s dangerous.” Ryan asked softly. Michael felt a wet tear hit his arm.

“Yea, I will transfer. I want to be closer to you anyway.” Michael lifted his head and kissed Ryan. 

“I love you Michael.”

“I love you more Ryan.”


End file.
